Toilet Paper
by kirrah05
Summary: ...Because criminals aren't that perfect.


**Toilet Paper **

**By kirrah05**

**BETA by ero-sannin is happy**

"Orochimaru-sama," said Kabuto with a hoarse voice approaching his master. "We're all out of toilet paper."

"That's not our problem!" Sasuke exclaimed attempting a forbidden jutsu.

"Now, beat it!"

"Now, now, Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru appeared out of the darkness facing Kabuto. "Such language is not needed." Then he cocked his head to Sasuke's direction meeting his crimson orbs. "We're having a training session here Kabuto; such problems can be handled on your own."

"But Orochimaru-sama--"

"I shall not hear any excuses! Now go!"

"Hai, Right away..."

Kabuto sighed. How can he able to afford toiletries? Orochimaru-sama sure has no interest in money or material possession except for experimental bodies and forbidden scrolls. Now he's sitting in front of the groceries thinking of something to do.

"Oi!"

Kabuto looked up. Black cloak…red clouds and…is that the Samaheda?

"Aa…Kisame." said Kabuto standing up to recognize his presence.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kabuto, trying not to stare at the Akatsuki's freakish gills.

"It's my turn to make dinner..." he replied with a sigh, eyes glued to the seventy-five percent discount on all meat products poster.

"Nabe would be a good idea, winter's coming anyways." Kisame mumbled talking to himself.

"Um...ano," said Kabuto with his head facing the ground.

"What?" Kisame then faced the medic-nin.

"How can Akatsuki afford this stuff?" he asked

Kisame laughed hysterically. Kabuto then stared at the shark man.

"You don't seriously think we pay for those!?" he said in between laughs.

"You mean--"

"We steal them!" cut Kisame. "We're S-class criminals remember, pony-tail?"

Kabuto grimaced at his new nickname. But then again, shark man has a point. A criminal doesn't pay for their needs. That's why they're _criminals. _

"I'm going ahead of you." said Kisame motioning towards the store, giving Kabuto a smirk.

"See you around, pony-tail".

Kabuto, on the other hand, had no trace of emotion on his face. He just pushed his glasses higher up on his nose watching Kisame leave. Now what did he need again?

"Ah! Toilet paper! Right"

He also remembered that he has to make dinner that would suit his Orochimau-sama and that brat's taste. He then took note never ever serve them pork and beans or he'll die a slow and painful death. With that thought in his head, he entered the store and scanned the shelves for the necessary items.

"What would I make for dinner?" thought Kabuto as he passed through the meat products. "I heard Kisame mumbling about Nabe…that's not a bad idea but that's too difficult to cook."

"Hmm... how about roast chicken?" he thought.

* * *

"Tobi is a good boy!!" Tobi shrieked running away from Deidara's fury. "Please don't hurt Tobi, Deidara-senpai!" He added running past Itachi. "Tobi was just cleaning senpai's room!"

"Come back here, you little runt, yeah!" exclaimed Deidara with anger written all over his face. "When I get you, I'll cut your arms off, yeah! That'll teach you to mess with my stuff!" said Deidara as he extended his arm to grab Tobi's cloak and pull him down.

The blonde then sat on him as he positioned his arms around his neck choking the masked Akatsuki member.

"Aahh!" Tobi exclaimed trying to throw off his senpai. "Please help Tobi, Itachi-san!"

"Deidara" said Itachi.

"You little brat!" Deidara tightened his arms around Tobi's neck. "Who told you to mess up with my clay, yeah?!"

"But Tobi just—ugh!"

"Deidara"

"Why can't you do us all a favour and stop being so childish, yeah?!"

"Deidara…"

"But Tobi is a good--"

"Deidara!!"

Tobi and Deidara suddenly cocked their head to the older Uchiha's direction giving him a questioning look.

"Is something the matter, Itachi-san, yeah?" asked Deidara, not daring to lose his tight grip on Tobi.

"Have you seen Kisame?"

"Kisame?" Deidara echoed as he looked back at Tobi attempting to escape. "I think he's out for supplies, yeah."

"Is that so?"

"Is there still something you need, Itachi-san, yeah?"

"No." said Itachi heading towards his quarters. "Thank you, Deidara."

"NOOOO!" exclaimed Tobi. "Itachi-san!!" he added looking at his only hope escaping his senpai's grip.

* * *

"Shopping for groceries took was harder than expected…" Kabuto mumbled to himself looking at all the supplies he got from the groceries as he hurriedly head back to Orochimaru's lair. "I'll have to start preparing dinner as soon as I get back."

"You!!" a bodiless voice said

"Hmm?" said Kabuto curiously as he turned to see three Leaf shinobis. "Is there something you need? I'm kind of in a hurry."

"Like we care! You're one of Orochimaru's accomplices!" he exclaimed not breaking eye-contact. "The Hokage sure have questions for you, if you're still alive that is."

"Oh yeah?" questioned Kabuto with a smirk playing on his lips.

"Surrender or die." the other one added readying his kunai. "But we're always ready for a fight!"

"I'm afraid I'm pressed out of time." said Kabuto pushing his glasses up to his nose. "So I decline. What are you doing in Sound anyway?"

"That is none of your concern." The tallest one spat back. "Now, submit!"

"Yare, yare…" mumbled Kabuto, his voice barely audible.

The tallest one threw three kunais at him while the other two just stood with their guards up. A poofing sound resulted when the kunais hit Kabuto upon impact hitting a piece of log.

"Kawarimi." thought the other one. "Where is he--?"

"Up here!" the voice from above made all three look up astonished as pain shot through their backs finding a shadow clone jabbing a finger into a specific area of their spine, leaving them paralyzed as they fell down meeting the ground.

"What the--?" the other one thought, awestruck "When did he create all these clones?"

"Pathetic" he mumbled to himself. "A bunch of genins cannot defeat me."

Kabuto then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"What!? A clone!"

"No kidding…" the other ninja replied sarcastically.

* * *

"Time for dinner," said Kisame placing all the utensils on their table.

Deidara then entered the dinning room with a towel on his head.

"Kisame?" he said staring at the nabe. "Itachi was looking for you, yeah."

"He was looking for me?" the shark man said while taking off his apron. "Oh, I forgot that I had to spar with him."

"I think your partner misses you so much, yeah." Deidara smirked. "He loves you."

"Watch your tongue, boy! Or I'll cut it."

"Oh yeah? Which one, yeah?"

"No nabe for you."

"No fair, yeah!"

* * *

"Orochimaru-sama! Sasuke brat, dinner!" Kabuto exclaimed.

"That smells great, Kabuto." Orochimaru said sitting.

"Hn"

"It's roast chicken, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto said offering him a piece.

"I can't wait to taste it, but let me freshen up first."

The truth was, Orochimaru has an upset stomach. As he sat down with today's paper in hand, he noticed that something was missing…

"What the--KABUTO!!"

**End**

…

**Maybe…**


End file.
